Tuesday April 16 a phone call changed my life forever. I was informed my vibrant and active mother had died. No I shouted – how is that possible? It must be a mistake. I started running up the stairs shouting to Peter that we had to immediately get to North River. Sobbing hysterically while a part of my brain was telling me to calm down. All I wanted to do was to get in touch with my two sisters to let them know. Some how it made me feel better knowing that they knew and we where united in dealing with the grief of losing our beautiful mother. Entering my mom and dads home where so many great memories have been formed to find my mother dead on the floor. As much as you wanted her death to be a mistake you were a witness to her no longer being alive. You try to be calm and rational as decisions need to be made on getting your mom to the funeral home and to start making arrangements. You sit in the living room staring out into the room and it’s like your waiting for your mom to come out of her room to wish you good morning! She only appears in your mind. You start to feel hungry and go to the magical tickle trunk freezer and find moms magical chicken pot pies to eat. You realize that there will be no more of moms delicious culinary delights. You finally leave north river to deal with the uncomfortable reality that your mom is gone.

Grief is heavy. Over the past 15 months I’ve lost my Dad, mother in law and Mom. Each death was different – my father’s body slowly deteriorating from Alzheimer’s, my mother in law loss of mobility and pain and my mothers painless sudden death from what we think was a blood clot. I also lost a boyfriend thirty two years ago suddenly due to heart issues.

The loss of important people in your life is difficult no matter if expected or unexpected. I recently said to my Mom that I would give up good years of my life rather than become like my father. Grief is heavy right now on my Moms passing but trying to reflect on the amazing life she had and that she never suffered and that she will be remembered as vibrant and active woman right until the end of the life.

Peter and I had booked a 44 night bike packing adventure last fall. Our trip was scheduled for April 25. We decided to continue with our journey. It will help with the grief and I know my Mom would be encouraging me to do it although shaking her head on why anyone would want to cycle for 44 days.

So follow along as I write about our adventures along the way! My Mom’s spirit will be with me and hopefully giving me a little push up the hills.